April 5, 2013. I came across photos of tennis superstar Serena Williams and her unconfirmed boyfriend on the internet. Unconfirmed meaning that Serena says that the two are just friends. A couple of things prompted me to comment on the two of them. First, I was taken aback by some of the negative comments that were made in reference to the two of them dating.
Now we all know that the internet can be good and bad. Good in that it’s an invaluable resource of information. Bad in that anyone can anonymously comment on any post. Needless to say the internet attracts an endless amount of faceless haters who drink a never ending supply of hateraid. There were so many people hiding behind their keyboard hating on Serena with respect to her white male friend. Everything from attacking her as a black women, to calling her a sellout to the black race. As if that wasn’t bad enough some went as far as to attack her appearance. I am sure Serena being the superstar that she is didn’t care, but I was outdone.
This was surprising to me because similarly when there is an article or a picture of a black man dating a white female, most of the comments are positive even describing the two as “so cute together.” Why the double standard? More importantly why in the year 2013 does it matter?
I live in California where it is commonplace to see interracial couples daily. Albeit it is mostly black men with white women or black men with women of all races for that matter. But you do see your share of black women dating white men. No one seems to care or be put off by it. However the negative and foul remarks directed at Serena got me to thinking. In American today, do we care about people dating out of their race? Do black women care if black men date white women? Do white women care if white men date black women? Do white men care if white women date black men? Do black men care if black women date white men?
Before I was married to a black man I did date white men. I have been married for several years, so that was some time ago. But even back then, except for a few double takes it did not seem to bother anyone I came in contact with. Maybe the double takes were because we looked good together? But seriously, do most people feel that everyone should stick with their own race?
I did ask a black man who has dated white women how he feels about black men dating white men. He said that he cannot explain why, but that black men can date whomever they want no matter what race, but a black women should stick with black men. Though he could not tell me a specific reason why he felt that way. He said “that’s just the way it is.”
I have a friend named Tracy who is a black, female and divorced. She and I were having lunch together one day when 2 different interracial couples came through the restaurant. All black men with white women. She asked me if I had ever dated outside of my race. You see she and I met after I was married. So she did not know me during my wild single years. I told her that I had. Her response was “really?” I then asked her if she had dated anyone outside of her race. She said no. But not because she is not open to it, but because she has never been asked out by anyone other than black men. I asked Tracy the reason for her question? She replied that because there so many black men dating and marrying white women, her options are dwindling. Feeling that in some ways that white women are taking something that black women are running short on. Tracy also said that she does not like it when black men dating white women bash black women in the process. Stating “black men dating white women should not be about what black women lack.” I agree with her on that.
One thing I don’t understand is when black men date white women, why do they feel that they have to be so rude to black women? Are they dating white women because they find them attractive and because they have something in common with them? Or are they punishing black women for some reason? Maybe it’s a defense mechanism. Being that they feel that black women are angry with them for dating out of their race. I am here to tell you that is a stereotypical myth. Largely black women don’t really care who black men date. One thing is for sure. Black women dating out of their race is not about being disappointed or angry with or giving up on black men. Real talk.
But back to Serena and her white boyfriend. I feel that in 2013 everyone should feel free to date whom they want no matter what race. But I don’t think that it should be exclusive. Maybe one day you wake up you want black coffee. Maybe one day you wake up you want milk in your coffee. Maybe one day you wake up you just want a cup of milk. And if you are the person who likes black coffee only or no coffee at all but milk only. Do your thing. But let everyone live their lives without judgment.
There you have it.
Now we all know that the internet can be good and bad. Good in that it’s an invaluable resource of information. Bad in that anyone can anonymously comment on any post. Needless to say the internet attracts an endless amount of faceless haters who drink a never ending supply of hateraid. There were so many people hiding behind their keyboard hating on Serena with respect to her white male friend. Everything from attacking her as a black women, to calling her a sellout to the black race. As if that wasn’t bad enough some went as far as to attack her appearance. I am sure Serena being the superstar that she is didn’t care, but I was outdone.
This was surprising to me because similarly when there is an article or a picture of a black man dating a white female, most of the comments are positive even describing the two as “so cute together.” Why the double standard? More importantly why in the year 2013 does it matter?
I live in California where it is commonplace to see interracial couples daily. Albeit it is mostly black men with white women or black men with women of all races for that matter. But you do see your share of black women dating white men. No one seems to care or be put off by it. However the negative and foul remarks directed at Serena got me to thinking. In American today, do we care about people dating out of their race? Do black women care if black men date white women? Do white women care if white men date black women? Do white men care if white women date black men? Do black men care if black women date white men?
Before I was married to a black man I did date white men. I have been married for several years, so that was some time ago. But even back then, except for a few double takes it did not seem to bother anyone I came in contact with. Maybe the double takes were because we looked good together? But seriously, do most people feel that everyone should stick with their own race?
I did ask a black man who has dated white women how he feels about black men dating white men. He said that he cannot explain why, but that black men can date whomever they want no matter what race, but a black women should stick with black men. Though he could not tell me a specific reason why he felt that way. He said “that’s just the way it is.”
I have a friend named Tracy who is a black, female and divorced. She and I were having lunch together one day when 2 different interracial couples came through the restaurant. All black men with white women. She asked me if I had ever dated outside of my race. You see she and I met after I was married. So she did not know me during my wild single years. I told her that I had. Her response was “really?” I then asked her if she had dated anyone outside of her race. She said no. But not because she is not open to it, but because she has never been asked out by anyone other than black men. I asked Tracy the reason for her question? She replied that because there so many black men dating and marrying white women, her options are dwindling. Feeling that in some ways that white women are taking something that black women are running short on. Tracy also said that she does not like it when black men dating white women bash black women in the process. Stating “black men dating white women should not be about what black women lack.” I agree with her on that.
One thing I don’t understand is when black men date white women, why do they feel that they have to be so rude to black women? Are they dating white women because they find them attractive and because they have something in common with them? Or are they punishing black women for some reason? Maybe it’s a defense mechanism. Being that they feel that black women are angry with them for dating out of their race. I am here to tell you that is a stereotypical myth. Largely black women don’t really care who black men date. One thing is for sure. Black women dating out of their race is not about being disappointed or angry with or giving up on black men. Real talk.
But back to Serena and her white boyfriend. I feel that in 2013 everyone should feel free to date whom they want no matter what race. But I don’t think that it should be exclusive. Maybe one day you wake up you want black coffee. Maybe one day you wake up you want milk in your coffee. Maybe one day you wake up you just want a cup of milk. And if you are the person who likes black coffee only or no coffee at all but milk only. Do your thing. But let everyone live their lives without judgment.
There you have it.
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