My mother and father both worked full time, so growing up I was a Latchkey kid. Being the eldest of three children, I was responsible for looking out for my younger siblings. Our parents had to leave for work very early, so from the time that we were 5, 6 and 7, my siblings and I would walk to school alone. Before we left for school, my mother would call us once she arrived at work, remind us to eat the breakfast that she cooked and left on the table, and not to forget our lunches that she packed and left in the refrigerator. After school, we walked several blocks home, let ourselves into the house and soon after rushed to devour the bags filled with treats that our mother left for us to snack on. Next it was homework time. Our parents did not return home until late in the evening, so if we needed any help, we had to wait until they got in. Dinner was not until about 7:30, and after that baths then bedtime.
Because I was the first born, my mother would instruct me - " Denee, you being the oldest, you must always look out for your two siblings. Make sure that they're OK. Remember that they are watching you, so you must do the right thing. Behave accordingly because you have to set the example. God blesses those who selflessly give and you will be rewarded. What goes around comes around."
Boy that was a lot of pressure for me back in those days. If my siblings did something wrong on my watch, I would be reprimanded for it. Though I did't have any control over them. You see, we were only a little over a year apart, and they never listened to a word I said. That didn't matter to my mother. She was also the eldest sister, and that's how she too was raised.
Growing up like this, I became a nurturer, a caretaker, a giver, a fixer. If someone close to me had a problem, I was going to somehow solve it. It was hard for me to say no. I was the one who drove my friends to the parties and to the nightclubs. And, they rarely chipped in on gas money. If they didn't offer, I thought it was rude to ask. When my friends and I would go out to grab a quick bite to eat, if the bill was under $30.00, I would more times than not pay it. It seemed that someone was always short on cash.
I was the shoulder you could cry on. How many nights did I stay up late listening to my girl's boyfriend woes? Too many to count. Knowing that I would be tired the next morning when it was time to get up for work, I'd patiently hold the phone to my ear, even though I'd heard the story of their breakup over and over again. I wanted to say that I had to get some sleep, but oh gosh, that would be insensitive right? I found myself worn out from taking on everyone else's issues.
It took years, but I have finally accepted the fact that being selfish is OK. My mother taught me the opposite, but again that's what she was taught to do. No worries, I have since learned that you have to take care of yourself first.
It's a wonderful thing to want to help others, but you have to put yourself at the top of the list. And yes, that also includes with family. Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, husbands and especially children will drain you if you allow them to. Putting the demands of others before your own best interest builds resentment and sometimes anger, when others are not there for you in the same way. Often times those close to you have no problem saying no to you, even when you consistently say yes to them.
Thinking about yourself is not a bad thing. Your needs are important. Don't feel guilty about honoring yourself first. You then will be more equipped to happily be there for loved ones. If assisting someone overwhelms you or adds too much to your plate, do not be afraid to say No.
We have to be mindful of those friends and family that will take advantage of our kindness. The more that you give, the more they will take from you.
Oprah, I finally got the lesson. We humans do have a duty to give back to others, but not at the expense of our own well being. Happy Monday!
Because I was the first born, my mother would instruct me - " Denee, you being the oldest, you must always look out for your two siblings. Make sure that they're OK. Remember that they are watching you, so you must do the right thing. Behave accordingly because you have to set the example. God blesses those who selflessly give and you will be rewarded. What goes around comes around."
Boy that was a lot of pressure for me back in those days. If my siblings did something wrong on my watch, I would be reprimanded for it. Though I did't have any control over them. You see, we were only a little over a year apart, and they never listened to a word I said. That didn't matter to my mother. She was also the eldest sister, and that's how she too was raised.
Growing up like this, I became a nurturer, a caretaker, a giver, a fixer. If someone close to me had a problem, I was going to somehow solve it. It was hard for me to say no. I was the one who drove my friends to the parties and to the nightclubs. And, they rarely chipped in on gas money. If they didn't offer, I thought it was rude to ask. When my friends and I would go out to grab a quick bite to eat, if the bill was under $30.00, I would more times than not pay it. It seemed that someone was always short on cash.
I was the shoulder you could cry on. How many nights did I stay up late listening to my girl's boyfriend woes? Too many to count. Knowing that I would be tired the next morning when it was time to get up for work, I'd patiently hold the phone to my ear, even though I'd heard the story of their breakup over and over again. I wanted to say that I had to get some sleep, but oh gosh, that would be insensitive right? I found myself worn out from taking on everyone else's issues.
It took years, but I have finally accepted the fact that being selfish is OK. My mother taught me the opposite, but again that's what she was taught to do. No worries, I have since learned that you have to take care of yourself first.
It's a wonderful thing to want to help others, but you have to put yourself at the top of the list. And yes, that also includes with family. Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, husbands and especially children will drain you if you allow them to. Putting the demands of others before your own best interest builds resentment and sometimes anger, when others are not there for you in the same way. Often times those close to you have no problem saying no to you, even when you consistently say yes to them.
Thinking about yourself is not a bad thing. Your needs are important. Don't feel guilty about honoring yourself first. You then will be more equipped to happily be there for loved ones. If assisting someone overwhelms you or adds too much to your plate, do not be afraid to say No.
We have to be mindful of those friends and family that will take advantage of our kindness. The more that you give, the more they will take from you.
Oprah, I finally got the lesson. We humans do have a duty to give back to others, but not at the expense of our own well being. Happy Monday!
RSS Feed
